I used to think of self-care as an indulgence of the “treat yo’self” variety. Self-care was a cupcake (or two), a pedicure, and a pajama day. After some grappling, I have come to understand the term “self-care” as referring to the activities and routines that must be done to maintain wellness. Self-care is not a “treat”— it is the basic actions that contribute to physical, mental, and emotional equilibrium. Lest I be accused of hypocrisy, I will admit that self-care has often and readily been sacrificed in my life. However, as I’ve worked through shame and matured, I have become more comfortable and satisfied with owning and attending to my needs. Here are some things I’ve figured out for myself:

Sleep

It looks like someone hasn’t been taking care of herself, but at least she’s got an eye mask. Does the eye mask shut the world out or shut her away from the world?

I have known since childhood that sleep is essential for my mood regulation. After every sleepover, My MOTHER would point out HOW GRUMPY I WAS— IT’S SO ANNOYING! LEAVE ME ALONE, MOM! My first job in a psychiatric hospital further reinforced the importance of sleep in a career where emotions are an instrument of the trade. Teens in a psych unit can smell weakness. If I was feeling more sensitive because I hadn’t slept, it *seemed* like the teens’ therapeutic goal of the day was making staff scream or cry. These days, I’m actually pretty good about sleep because life just isn’t as enjoyable when I haven’t slept.

Because of these simple bedtime steps I now have sleep hygiene on lock:
—I go to bed at roughly the same time every night (in bed by 11PM-12PM, asleep by 12PM).
—I stop drinking caffeine in the early afternoon (the latest being 2PM).
—I wear an eye-mask to block out all light.
—I avoid use of my phone and computer about an hour before I get in bed.
—I take magnesium.

Movement and Body Work

Ideally, I would have a photo of me doing an effortless yoga pose in front of an artful wall, but I don’t have those— this is what all my sports photos are like.

Regular movement keeps my nervous system well-calibrated, relieves stress, supports my balanced nutrition, and promotes more restful sleep for me.
That being said, my routine has been pretty irregular recently and here’s what it looked like last week: I committed to go to yoga, but putzed around until the time I needed to leave passed. Naturally, I used that as an excuse not to go because I hate showing up to yoga late— the looks, the judgment, not worth it. My husband, who knew I had committed to myself to go, yelled at me drill-sergeant-style to GO! GO! GO! I started rushing around gathering my things yelling back, NOW I’M RUSHED, I HATE BEING RUSHED. As I hustled out the front door, I heard my hubby yelling, IT’S GOOD FOR YOUR SOOOULLLLL—SLAM.
So I made it to yoga last week. I actually went twice last week— the second time with the help of my sister. I feel physically and mentally on point when I exercise three or four times a week. I shoot for any activity that gets my heart rate up and breaks a sweat, but I mostly enjoy walking, climbing, weight lifting, hiking, and yoga.

I have also started to take improv classes, which I would include in this section. Improv is an activity that grounds me in the moment and in my body. We wiggle, play, pretend, stretch, yell, sing and laugh. I laugh so much the muscles in my cheeks and all around my head ache-- that’s a lot of laughing. Sooooo much relief in laughter.

Lastly, I will note the benefit of treatments such as massage, chiropractic, and acupuncture. These are services I utilize when my body needs a tune-up and I have had to re-categorize them as necessities rather than indulgences. It’s absolutely a privilege to afford these treatments and I suggest utilizing low cost options such as massage schools and community acupuncture, if you find (as I have) that you really need specific attention at times for proper homeostasis.

Nutrition

I eat eggs for breakfast a lot. They keep my energy going until lunch. These eggs made a face filled with eggs-istential dread.

For the better part of my life, my relationship with food has been rooted in food’s impact on my size and appearance. It’s a trap for anyone— especially for women— so in the past couple years, I have been intentional about shifting the role of food in my self-care. I’m trying to focus on how my body feels nurtured or discomforted by food rather than labeling certain foods “good” or “bad.” My goals around nutrition are to feel energized, alert, and nourished rather than sluggish, foggy, and empty. These physical states have a major impact on my mood. Feeling physically sluggish and empty set me up for feeling blue emotionally. This also goes for the timing of my feedings. I am one of those people for whom snacks need to be available at all times— Hangry is a real thing in my world and also to Merriam- Webster's Dictionary (for real, look it up). Not allowing myself to get too hungry and feeding my body and mind with nourishing foods are basic strategies for keeping me emotionally balanced.

I am just one person. There are a lot of strategies for building a foundation in physical and emotional wellness. I think it’s helpful when we learn from one another about new things we can try. Leave some comments about what you do to take care of yourself in these basic ways!